Ten reasons why I fucking hate you (Though we’re still best friends)
By Popiouiuyuio
Note: This is written from Camron’s point of view just for fun.

Ten. It’s exam time again and I’m having biology after lunch. I’m so nervous that I can’t lift my fork properly. But then you come along and plonk your tray down beside me, the runny meatloaf getting all over my beautiful pudding. Yes the mango pudding that my mom made for me you bastard! I see red. It’s not till I’m walking home after the test then I realize that I was so mad at you I had totally forgotten to be nervous. Oh yeah, I aced the test.

Nine. You’re so fucking creepy you know that? So fucking creepy cause you don’t need to fucking breathe. But then as I’m standing here beside you after being caught red handed for breaking several windows, I’m kinda glad because you’re talking a mile a minute and the teacher can’t get a word in edgewise.

Eight. You’re cold. You’re friggin cold. I hate it when you touch me in winter because you’re so. Damn. Cold. But when I’m arguing with Rue and his general Smartassness, all it takes is one touch of your freezing cold hands and I’m calm again.

Seven. Your fucking green hair. Screw you. You defy all laws that humans and most sublimes obey. Dude, your hair is green. And. It. Stays. Green. No one is supposed to be able to do that because it defies all the laws of Good looking-ness. Yes, the laws that even the most beautiful have to obey. Not you though, you get a green Mohawk and you don’t look the slightest bit out of place. Nope, not the slightest bit out of place. It just makes people too scared to talk to you. And you know what? I’m kinda glad because then we can still walk together and no one says a thing.

Six. Your fucking pig. You and your pig seriously boil my broccoli. It’s really creepy you know? The way you fawn over that damned retarded pig. Well Yeah it’s damned! It’s going to hell with you! Last week you even bought that seventy dollar goose down piggy pillow for the stupid thing’s birthday and what did I get? An umbrella to the back of my friggin head! But I’ll be damned if that thing doesn’t make you happy. Which brings me to my next point.

Five. Your umbrella. How many other demons fight with an umbrella? None. You’re the only one with a freakin umbrella, clawed handle and all. It’s the longest umbrella I’ve ever seen and it’s freakin me out! But sometimes, I’m glad you carry it with you all the time cause muggers tend to underestimate two kids with an umbrella.

Four. Your wings. Fluffy. White. Wings. On a fucking demon. (not that you did –fuck I mean- cause I’ve known you since forever and you’re still crushing on my sister you pedo.) How fucking wrong is that? You’re evil though you’re not the epitome of it. You’re still evil! And white fluffy wings aren’t supposed to be on something evil like you! Yeah I called you a thing! Deal with it! Then again, they’re nice to touch and getting a few for my sister always makes her happy. She still doesn’t know that though and I’ll kill you and make sure you stay that way if you make a move on her you pedo.

Three. Your mom. Well it needed to be said. Your mom is a he. Was a he. But he’s now a she. And he doesn’t have a problem with being a she. Even though she used to be a he. It’s so damned confusing when I see her around and know that that’s a guy in a girl’s body and it’s your mom. You have a mommy dad and that’s down right weird. But it gives me something to think about and I think that maybe I’m not so fucked up after all. I’m not saying your mom is though.

Two. You and your blue eyes. Do you know how often I’ve wanted to poke them out? Just the thought of those two blue orbs on my necklace makes me kinda happy. Cause they’re so pretty. Okay now I sound like a girl but Damn it! They’re pretty alright? They’re downright beautiful and I like them! And I want them on a necklace! Then again, a necklace can’t stare at me in concern and ask me if I’m alright without saying a word so I guess I’ll let them stay in your head.

One. You’re just so… so… addictive. There I said it. You’re addictive and that’s why I hate you. Alright? I hate you because I can’t let go of you. I know it sounds friggin gay alright but it’s not. I can’t imagine my life without you. Without you sparring with me, hitting me with your damn umbrella and making faces at your retard pig while ignoring me, it just doesn’t feel right. It feels too normal and even Rue, Jon and all the others can’t un-normal that normalness. So yeah, you know what? I’m still kinda glad we’re friends. Oh okay, best friends. Cause I really can’t imagine my life without you.

….

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… I swear I meant that in a not gay way.